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“Horror Movies Are Stupid”(EED Monologue)

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“Horror Movies Are Stupid”

Second Place Winner!
By: Kylie Frankel, Age 11, Florida, USA
Description: Horror movies are ridiculous.
Genre: Comedic

 

Audio Sample 

 

People in horror movies are so stupid.

Horror movies are so stupid!

Like, I’d run away if I saw the lights start to flicker.

Meanwhile, those side characters are just casually playing with the POSSESSED doll!

And for some reason, the main characters are always immortal or something!

They could be thrown off of a cliff and survive with just a scratch!

And the plots are so confusing!

Picture the movie, The Threat.

It’s about a girl who went missing as a baby, and came back as the famous murderer, “The Threat”.

First of all, that name sucks, right? Right.

Second of all, why do they always say, “Hello? Is someone there?”

GET THE HECK OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND CALL 911!!!

YOU’RE BASICALLY ASKING THEM TO FIND YOU!!!

DON’T RUN UPSTAIRS! RUN OUT THE DOOR! IT’S RIGHT THERE!!!

We’re on the same page, right? Right???

Okay. Case closed.

 

 

Japanese Translation

ホラー映画は馬鹿げてる

ホラー映画の登場人物ってほんとに馬鹿みたい。

ホラー映画ってほんとに馬鹿げてる！

だって、もしライトがチカチカし始めたら、私はすぐに逃げるよ。

でも、あの脇役たちはなぜか、呪われた人形で遊んでるんだよね！

それに、なぜかメインキャラクターたちはいつも不死身みたいな感じ！

崖から投げ落とされても、ちょっとした傷ですむんだよね！

それに、プロットがすごく分かりにくい！

例えば『ザ・スレット』っていう映画。

その映画は、赤ちゃんのときに行方不明になった女の子が、後に有名な殺人犯「ザ・スレット」として帰ってくるって話。

まず第一に、名前がダサすぎる！ そう思わない？

それに、なんでいつも「誰かいるの？」って言うの？

その家から出て、911に電話しなよ！

自分から見つけてくれって言ってるようなもんだよ！

階段を上がっちゃダメ！ドアを開けて外に走れ！そこにドアがあるじゃん！

みんな、わかってるよね？

じゃあ、問題解決！

Summary of Words and Phrases in English

  1. Immortal
    • Meaning: Unable to die or be killed.
    • Example: “The main characters are always immortal.”
    • Phrase to practice: “Immortal or something.”
  2. Possessed
    • Meaning: Controlled by a spirit or supernatural force.
    • Example: “Casually playing with the POSSESSED doll!”
    • Phrase to practice: “Possessed doll”
  3. Plot
    • Meaning: The main story or events in a book, movie, etc.
    • Example: “The plots are so confusing!”
    • Phrase to practice: “The plot of the movie.”
  4. Get the heck out of
    • Meaning: A stronger way to say “leave quickly” or “escape.”
    • Example: “GET THE HECK OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND CALL 911!!!”
    • Phrase to practice: “Get out of there!”
  5. Right there
    • Meaning: Close by, very near.
    • Example: “RUN OUT THE DOOR! IT’S RIGHT THERE!!!”
    • Phrase to practice: “It’s right there!”
  6. Case closed
    • Meaning: The situation is resolved, there’s nothing more to discuss.
    • Example: “Okay. Case closed.”
    • Phrase to practice: “Case closed.”